Assholes.
Oh, the glory days. Eight year old me pulled a fast one on my very* neat and clean mother and brought home two hermit crabs from a beach trip with friends. I exercised their little claws on anything tactile I could find. Rested my chin in my hands and watched them do...well...nothing for hours on end.
Fast forward twenty...er...years and what else could possibly be cooler than using the bad ass terrarium in my entryway as a CRABITAT!?
Step 1. Go to the beach. Tear it up.
Step 2. Pick up a couple hermit crabs on the boardwalk.
Meet Beatrice and Veronica. Venetian besties.
My Venetian bestie, T, chose our beast Beatrice. Of course, pink conch shell, Veronica would be mine. A little googling on our drive home told us B & V should stay together. Slumber. Party.
Step 3. Build raised hexagonal tray to fill with sand. Thanks husband for entertaining the crazy.
Step 3. Etsy.com
Step 4. Buy all the coolest miniature fairy shit that you can find.
Bonus: Hermit Crabs love moss. It helps keep their humidity up in the crabitat. They also eat it like champs.
The amazing mini fairy bed, cobblestone path and arbor came from Essential Whimsy.
Uhh obviously our courtesan crabs have a mini harp.
The attention to detail on this little thing is absurd. From EYEMUSE on Etsy.
Bonus: Got a little acorn teacup and teapot set as a gift from the seller. It was all happening.
UNTIL.
Veronica, who I had seen move ONCE in a week was all of a sudden CHILLIN' half out of her shell all day. I couldnt believe it! It was working. The acorn teacups did it. My crabby Veronica was softening. Literally.
Gross. She wasn't shy. She had the plague. She's gone.
And I swear to G, the night I took Veronica out of the crabitat, Beatrice played the harp:
Poor Beatrice. At first, I think she liked the extra space. I watched her crawl sideways, bumping into things.
We understood each other.
But she wasn't ever the same after that night.
Step 5. Feel sad and grossed out.
Step 6. Make amazing mini chandelier to make yourself feel better. I used a rogue earring I hoarded that I knew would come in handy. Tied with hemp rope.
Step 7. Yea those are lace curtains. What? Apparently hermit crabs like to have a "cave" so Beatrice chose behind the bed. I was just making it darker and more cozy for her. Jeeze.
The very next day I went and found Veronica II. There is her spiral-y behind under the bed.
This was the real Veronica anyway with her naturally ornate shell and ornery behavior.
Her climbing to the top of this arbor was the best thing to happen. Ever.
So here we are. Day eleven. I'm pretty sure Beatrice has died of the plague as well. She's all half out of her shell like but hermit crabs MOLT. I am way too disgusted to YouTube it after watching Veronica literally fall apart. Plus something tells me its not the case. Maybe just maybe, hermit crabs arent for me. Besides, there is only room for one exotic crab in this house and the position has been filled. Eh hem.
I'd like to say they have gone to a better place...but lets get real...
Things I would have done differently:
1. Probably should have reversed the two first steps and purchased the crab after putting together their crabitat. I hope I didn't stress them out to death. I know what that can feel like.
2. Built the raised bed out of plexiglass. The wood is already completely warped. Of course it is.
3. Bought chickens instead.
For Tia
Love
Jas
